Monthly Archives: November 2012

You Deserve To Be Loved, Not Tolerated

by Michelle Maynard Koenig

Love the source within you. Then surround yourself with people who recognize that source.  It matters not how many or how few.  People seasoned with love will accept you for who you are or are not.

At this very moment …
there are people across the Earth similar to you.
People who are from all walks of life.
People who are feeling lonely or missing somebody.
People who are tolerated, but not loved.

At this very moment …
there are people across the Earth similar to you.
People who may find themselves in a situation or relationship that breeds chaos and angst.
People who have secrets haunting them day in and day out.

At this very moment …
there are people across the Earth similar to you.
People who wish.
People who dream.
People who hope.

At this very moment …
there are people across the Earth similar to you.
People gazing out the window of a car, bus, train, or even from the confines of their home,
and wondering if there are others in the world like them.

At this very moment …
there are people across the Earth similar to you.
People who, if you shared with them the self-doubt occupying your thoughts, the worries wrenching your gut in pain, or the faceless fears that continuously rob you of serenity, recognize the familiarity in their own life and understand you.

At this very moment …
there are people across the Earth similar to you.
People who could be reading these words, just as you are.

At this very moment …
I am writing this for you.
You are loved, not tolerated.

She Let Go

A poem written by Rev Safire Rose

She let go.

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear.

She let go of the judgments.

She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision within her.

She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons.

Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice.

She didn’t read a book on how to let go.

She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.

She let go of all of the memories that held her back.

She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.

She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.

She didn’t journal about it.

She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer.

She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.

She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

She didn’t analyze whether she should let go.

She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.

She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.

She didn’t call the prayer line.

She didn’t utter one word.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.

There was no applause or congratulations.

No one thanked her or praised her.

No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort.

There was no struggle.

It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.

It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came over her face.

A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

Do You Know Your “No?”

“Live your daily life in a way that you never lose yourself.  When you are carried away with your worries, fears, cravings, anger, and desire, you run away from yourself and you lose yourself. The practice is always to go back to oneself.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

Learning to Say “No” – It May Be Easier Than You Think
by Sandra Pawula

When someone asks you for time, pause. Tune into the alarms that are telling you the truth:

  • Your stomach tightening
  • Feeling annoyed
  • A flattening of joy
  • A pulling back
  • A forced smile
  • A voice in your head that wants to respond, “Are you out of your mind?”

Practice new scripts so you can say no with grace.

  • “Thank you for asking, I would be happy to help. I charge XYZ. Are you ready to start?”
  • “I’m honored you asked, but I won’t be able to help right now.”
  • “Let me think about it. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

Avoid saying “yes” right off the bat. Take your time and examine the pros and the cons. Ask yourself seriously if the new task fits comfortably in the agenda of your life. If it’s hard to say “no” in person or on the phone, then send an email or letter instead.

If you still want to give, remember you don’t have to give it all. You really can give an hour instead of a whole day. You can offer one idea instead of preparing a full essay. So consider how you can give in a balanced and workable way. Determine your limits and state them in a clear and confident voice. Others will be grateful when you mark a straight line.

When I practiced saying “no”, I discovered it was easier than I ever thought. “Hey, I can do this! I’ve done it once!” The slogan “Just Do It” applies like a charm. I was then encouraged to go on a 30-day fast from saying “yes” to others instead of myself.

You’ll find most people aren’t bothered. They will adjust. They’ll sort out the problem all by themselves or find another friend who can assist. Often, “indispensability” is just a phantom we’ve conjured up in our own head. In reality, life carries on just fine without us.

Understand Your True Purpose

Knowing your true purpose is the the best way to stay on track.

  • “What is my personal mission?”
  • “Why am I in this life?”
  • “Is it to give endless favors or to accomplish a larger goal?”

These are the questions next in line to ask. They will take you one step further to saying a full “yes” to yourself.

Design each day with your mission at the top of the list. By staying true to your ultimate purpose, you will accomplish the greatest good and serve others in a far more effective and intentional way.

Ready to Say “Yes” to You?

Getting to “yes” is a journey, there’s no miracle pill. Chances are your adrenalin will pump the first few instances you reclaim your time. But the sense of liberation will also bring you great joy. So just keep moving forward whatever tests come your way. It will get easier and easier as each victory seeds the next.

No matter how long you’ve been over-giving, you can bring it to a stop. If I can do it after eons of relentless giving, I know you can too.

Sandra Pawula is a freelance editor, writer, and inner explorer. She shares simple wisdom for a happy life at Always Well Within.

The Last Meeting of Two Brothers: A Love Story

by Bill De Mello

When you attain, when you are aware, increasingly you will not be bothered about labels like “awake” or “asleep.” One of my difficulties here is to arouse your curiosity but not your spiritual greed. Let’s come awake, it’s going to be wonderful. After a while, it doesn’t matter; one is aware, because one lives. The unaware life is not worth living. And you will leave pain to take care of itself. ~Anthony De Mello

This is the story of the first meeting between two brothers, their last meeting, and of family events that took place in the interval.

On the afternoon of the 29th of July 1944, a 13-year-old boy ran from his home to visit his mother in a maternity hospital in Bombay, India. His thoughts ran faster than his legs, for the hour of destiny had arrived. The boy’s future would be golden as he planned—if the newborn sibling were male. But the boy’s future would be of iron—the iron of an apprenticeship in the railways—if the sibling were female. The 13-year-old boy was Tony deMello, and I was the newborn infant. When Tony saw me, he said with joy: “… So now I can become a Jesuit priest!”

On the evening of the 31st of May 1987, a 56-year-old man met his 43-year-old brother, in New York City. The older man was Tony deMello SJ, world famous spiritual leader, and the younger was I, Bill deMello, a little known layman. The meeting was at Fordham University in the Bronx. I recall the evening as though it were yesterday because I have relived it many times. We had dinner together in the canteen, and Tony, as usual, was most concerned about others. He wanted us to finish dinner quickly, so that the canteen staff could go home.

He was in the United States to conduct seminars on spirituality via a satellite linkup with 600 colleges in the US and Canada, and I was in Manhattan, sent by my Australian employers to work on a particularly interesting global project. In a telephone conversation earlier that day Tony had assured me that he had recovered from jet lag after the long flight from India.

But as the evening progressed Tony complained of stomach unease. This should have rung warning bells in me…Tony NEVER complained…he was always at peace with whatever fate dealt him.

After dinner we sat in a room to chat, and he left me briefly to take some medication. It did not help. What was planned as a few precious hours spent together was cut short by his increasing discomfort. He said he was tired and wished to retire early.


© Copyright Bill deMello

Before parting, we agreed to meet later in the year at his Retreat House in India. Our last minute was spent in a big hug and we farewelled each other with choked emotion.

The next morning Tony was found dead on the floor of his room.

A day later Tony’s body was laid out in the chapel of Fordham University. He looked so vibrantly alive that I could neither believe nor accept that he was dead. I broke down and sobbed … we had much unfinished spiritual business left unresolved. I went through the usual feelings of anger … 

Why did he have to die? Of sadness … I will never see him again. Of pain and guilt … I should have guessed he was going in for a heart attack and done something about it. Mostly of shock and disbelief … How could a seemingly healthy man, who had been given a clean bill of health by an eminent US heart specialist only months earlier, die of a heart attack? Should we call it fate, destiny, or God’s will? Those questions will remain unanswered till we brothers meet again; who knows where, who knows when.

Anthony de mello

Until his sudden death on June 2, 1987, Fr. Tony de Mello was the director of the Sadhana Institute of Pastoral Counseling near Poona, India.  Author of five best selling books, renowned worldwide for his workshops, retreats, and prayer courses, he aimed simply to teach people how to pray, how to wake up and live.

Most people, he maintained, are asleep. They need to wake up, open up their eyes, see what is real, both inside and outside of themselves.  The greatest human gift is to be aware, to be in touch with oneself, one’s body, mind, feelings, thoughts, sensations.

For more information on the Anthony De Mello and his teachings, please visit The site contains spiritual themes and exercises that can enrich and transform your life.