Now lookin’ from the other side of somewhere
I ain’t got all the answers that’s for sure
But if you’re like me
You’re gonna’ have to learn the hard way
‘Cause nobody else can tell you who you are
And part of knowin’ who you are
is knowin’ who you ain’t …
We’re just learnin’ how to walk before we run …
(Lacy J. Dalton, “Walk Before You Run”)

Are you familiar with the idiom run before you can walk? For us to run before we walk would require us to do something before we have mastered the basics. Not very wise, do you agree? We would fall flat on our faces! This leads me to the topic of self-esteem; a topic that we tend to avoid discussing because it usually has a bitter taste to it.

We all are on a journey in life and sometimes that journey goes down paths of abuse, depression, resentment, anxiety, addiction, deceit, and fear, among many. These paths collect a heap of litter that we leave as we travel on along the path. You can imagine, after many years of littering, how the appearance of “Self” must look. Does it look dingy and dreary like a trash dump or does it look crisp and clear like a bright sunny day? It is up to us to deal with the “litter” that we have accumulated and stored away in the room called “Self-Esteem” instead of dealing with it properly.

What exactly is Self-Esteem? According to Karl Perera, Self-Esteem is “your opinion of yourself.” High self-esteem (the crisp and clear sunny day) is a good opinion of yourself and low self-esteem (dingy and dreary trash dump) is a bad opinion of yourself. Taking time to openly and honestly visit Self is the only way to clean up the litter, so that our self-esteem can once again be free to fly. It requires commitment and courage. It is not an easy task and sometimes requires a lot of work, especially if we have allowed a lot of time to pass and a lot of litter to accumulate.

Baby steps.

Do we choose to not open the door to view Self because of familiarity, because we are used to the pain and chaos, the “litter?” If we address the litter, change will follow. Our sense of Self will seem different … like putting on a new pair of shoes. It means a whole new world of unknowns that we must learn to walk through without littering or trashing our Self-Esteem again. Remember, it is through the littering of past experiences that led us to believe we weren’t deserving of happiness or success. Looking at it from this perspective, it is understandable why we choose familiarity over improvement. We need to learn to walk in new shoes before we can run in them. We need to learn to walk, period. Baby steps.

Just as a baby learns to take the first steps beyond the boundary of familiarity, we too need to learn to take similar steps. When we start experiencing even the smallest of victories, sometimes it stuns us. like a dear in headlights, and we become paralyzed by fear to take one more step lest we fall. We are then faced with new expectations; expectations placed on us by ourselves, expectations placed on us by others. Others wanting to see us take off, to run to whatever destination it is we are expected to go. When we don’t run, what is the response we hear from others? Are they discouraging messages? From whom do they come? Parents? Friends? Teachers? Peers? “I don’t even know why you try!” “You’re good for nothing!” “You are so lazy!” “Are you crazy?” After so long of consistently hearing the looping of these negative message, we start believing them, turning them into truth. Guess what happens then if those messages, thoughts, feelings and actions, are not dealt with? It all turns into litter of Self.

Self-Inquiry.

Now that we know a bit about how litter of self is create, how it accumulates and the consequences of what happens when it is not dealt with properly, let’s look at some ways we can dispose of the litter properly so we can continue learning to walk, and eventually run. Just as walking is learned, so is the act of littering. Thus, if it is learned, then it can be unlearned. Once it is unlearned, we can replace it with something positive, constructive, optimistic. When you inquire within, and open the door of Self, instead of seeing a room of Esteem full of litter, you could see a room of Esteem full of strength and courage. No doubt, it is easier said than done.

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. ~Buddha

When a baby learns to walk, there are many occasions where smaller steps are taken over a span of many days or weeks or months leading up to the day of the first collections of steps that turn into walking. Before even taking his or her first step, a baby will roll over, crawl, sit up, scoot and pull their self up standing. It takes a series of tries and falls, before a baby event attempts taking the first step. In fact, there are many one-step attempts, one after another, until the baby has acquires the skills to walk. Even after learning to walk, there are falls, bumps and bruises. Have you ever seen a baby give up attempting to walk after falling? Maybe he or she will take a breather for a moment or two, but for the most part, the baby will get up and try again and again. Eventually, his or her steps develop more strength, become more stable, and the whole presence radiates an aura of courage and determination.

Hope.

We are similar to a young baby. We, too, need to learn to walk in hope, success and worthiness, so we can learn to run with a strong sense of self (Self-Esteem). Once we do, we will see with more clarity, absent the collection of dingy and dreary litter in Self. We will be able to run to success, run to the unknown without paralyzing fear or self-doubt, run with optimism while embracing the perspective that there is good in our lives and know the value of our presence in the Universe and among those around us … free from inner clutter. We must master walking before we are able to run; we must know who we are before we can be aware of who we are not!

Run.
List five positive things that other people have said about you.
List five positive things you know about yourself.
Compliment five other people, sincerely.
Do a random act of kindness for someone in need.
Journal. Write down your thoughts, feeling and actions, before and after each exercise.

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